


The Benefits of a Cat's Penis

by Pegasus_Eridana



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Flustered Castiel, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 10:18:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1895340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pegasus_Eridana/pseuds/Pegasus_Eridana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel has a massive crush on Dean, but gets so flustered whenever they meet that he always reverts to stupid little  bits of trivia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Benefits of a Cat's Penis

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ventorum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ventorum/gifts).



> 'Tis I, the writer who cannot do summaries to save her life! Hurrah and Huzzah, caloo-callay!
> 
> This one is for Ventorum, who asked for some flustered Cas. I hope it delivers!
> 
> Many thanks as always to Ismene_Jane, who did so much stellar work on this fic and made it exponentially better. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Dean Winchester was a curse and a menace.

That was the conclusion that Castiel Novak, twenty-five year old teacher, came to upon meeting him just as soon as he moved to Lawrence, Kansas.

Dean had this whole, ridiculous, I-have-gorgeous-pink-lips-and-cheekbones-to-die-for-as-well-as-the-greenest-eyes-to-ever-green-but-I-am-also-built-like-a-Roman-gladiator-and-although-I-look-like-I-was-put-on-this-earth-solely-to-be-in-slo-mo-battle-sequences-I-am-also-open-to-snuggling vibe going on, and it reduced Castiel to a flustered, stammering mess every time their paths crossed. It was a real problem.  

When they first met, at the welcome barbecue that had been thrown for Castiel’s moving in, the teacher had been struck dumb by the embodiment of every one of the wet dreams he’d had since he was fourteen. The temporary frying of brain and numbing of tongue that resulted from this were still in effect when they were actually introduced, which meant that after the stuttered greetings (on Castiel’s side; Dean was disgustingly polite and confident and _normal_ damn him) there was a long and rather awkward silence which Castiel somehow thought would be a good idea to break by saying,

“Did you know that a cat’s penis is barbed along its shaft?” The sentence was shortly followed by Castiel turning what he was sure was a very unbecoming shade of red, and the fervent wish to be claimed by the earth and never seen in public again.

Strangely, though, Dean laughed, and replied.

“And you know for a fact that the females weren’t consulted, right?” His greener-than-green eyes glittered in amusement and Castiel almost swallowed his tongue at the sound of that husky voice.

“I…” Castiel floundered. Awkward silence and slightly suspicious looks would have fazed him less.

“Because of your name,” Dean supplied, looking a little less confident than a moment before. “You’re an angel, so…so you were there when cats were created…It was a stupid joke, forget it.”

Castiel cocked his head to one side, trying desperately to think of a way to mask how mortified he was, not only that he had said what he said to begin with, but had then failed to recognise Dean’s attempt to save them both from the awkwardness. In the end, Castiel just said, trying to smile,

“Ah yes, I see. It was very nice to meet you, Dean,” before making his escape as quickly as possible in order to go and berate himself in peace and quiet. 

That was the first encounter, and things did not get any better.

Every time Castiel ran into Dean, the remembered mortification of their first meeting coupled with the extreme attraction he felt towards Dean (which only grew with time) meant that he became unable to form proper sentences, and all too often found himself reverting instead to random bits of historical trivia that he used to learn for fun when he was a teenager.

***

“Hello, Dean.” Castiel would say as his intestines started dancing the rumba with his pancreas. ”Did you know that in the First World War, British spies used semen as invisible ink?”

“Good morning, Dean. That is a beautiful car you have there.” _And it makes you even more attractive and you are covered in grease and I’m pretty sure that should be illegal._ “In Ancient Egypt the heart was considered to be the seat of intelligence, not the brain.”

“Hello, Dean. I’m happy to hear your brother is getting married. Please send him my congratulations.” _Oh and by the way how about you and I get married and have hot gay sex for the rest of our lives? It sounds like a good idea to me._ “Did you know that the best-selling book of the fifteenth century was _The Tale of the Two Lovers_ , an erotic love story written by Pope Pius the Second?”

***

Despite Castiel’s complete inability to behave like a normal, sane person in his presence, Dean somehow became his friend over time.

It was probably due to the fact that Dean was naturally talkative, and would easily fill the silences left with anecdotes of when he and his brother Sam were young, or stories of the various characters who turned up at the garage where Dean worked. He never seemed to mind that Castiel was an utter mess whenever he as around, and was even good enough to pretend to be interested in the facts that Castiel spouted, even asking for more information on certain subjects.

All in all, it just proved that Dean was the only one for Castiel. Which was unfortunate, as Castiel was getting no better at any communication other than small talk and trivia with the man.

***

Things came to a head about a year after Castiel had moved to Lawrence. He saw Dean a certain amount in passing, and they occasionally hung out (which was both awkward and wonderful), but Castiel was resigned to the fact that Dean would never return his feelings, and only got minimally less flustered in his presence than he had when they first met. 

And this meant that when they ran headlong into each other walking around a corner and Castiel ended up with the object of his affections basically holding him up, his first instinct after checking that Dean was unhurt was to offer another tid-bit of information.

“Did you know-”

“Hang on a moment there, Cas,” Dean interrupted. “I was actually hurrying like what my Uncle Bobby calls an `idjit` ‘cause I was coming to see you.” Castiel cocked his head to one side in confusion. What could Dean possibly need from him? Dean continued speaking. “See, I’ve actually got a fact for you today.”

He cleared his throat and held out a bunch of flowers (which were now a bit crushed) for Castiel to take. “Castiel Novak. Did you know that in Victorian times, in England, there was this thing called the language of flowers, and if a guy wanted to court someone, he’d give them the flowers and they would do the talking for them? And, well, I always make a fool of myself when I’m talking to you, and I thought, maybe, that they could do that for me? Or, the hard part, at least.”

He looked expectantly at Castiel, who was still holding the flowers, stroking the petals gently with his fingertips and staring wonderingly at them. Then Dean swore, jerking Castiel out of the daze he was in.

“Shit! I forgot to tell you what they mean! OK, sorry, right…so they’re carnations, which in general mean uh, fascination and devoted love, but then these are red ones so they also mean admiration and that my heart aches for you. ‘Cause, uh, it kinda does, Cas.”

Dean did that _thing_ when he was embarrassed where he rubbed the back of his neck and smiled shyly and it was turning Castiel to mush. Totally unfair, when Castiel was trying desperately to organise his thoughts and keep up with this wholly unexpected turn of events.

“So…” Castiel said slowly, once he had cleared his throat and got his thoughts in order. “You…you _liked_ my stupid facts?” His heart leapt into his throat when Dean laughed incredulously. The action lit up his whole face and it always caught Castiel off-guard.

“ _Liked_ them? Cas, it was the highlight of my day every single time you spoke to me and spouted one of them off! I’ve been driving my brother _crazy_ stealing his laptop to look up the stuff you tell me and I just thought, well, if I told you how I feel about you using this stuff,” he gestured wildly at the flowers still clutched in Castiel’s hands, “you might be more likely to…I dunno, to think I’m not completely beneath you? I mean, I know I’m not a genius like you, but I swear, Cas, I-”

He was stopped abruptly by Castiel’s hand over his mouth.

“Did you know,” Castiel said severely, containing the joy bubbling up within him, “that throughout the ages, the joining of lips between lovers has been considered to be one of the main ways to cement romantic attachment?” He felt Dean’s sigh of relief against his hand and he wanted to sing and dance for joy that this man wanted him back.

“Damn, Cas, talk dirty to me,” teased Dean, before their lips met in the middle in a kiss that had been a year in the building.

And as Castiel wound a hand securely into Dean’s hair and moaned into his mouth, the realisation struck him that even after a year of pining and elaborate fantasies, the reality of this kiss did not disappoint.

Nor did the thousands of kisses that followed through the weeks and months and years afterwards. And every day, Castiel and Dean, the eventual pub quiz champions of Lawrence, would share with each other, and eventually with their children, at least one piece of trivia in celebration of Castiel’s flustered attempt to appear normal and unaffected, which ended up succeeding in so much more than just that.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos make my day. Just so's you know. 
> 
> Feel free to come and find me on tumblr (my url is heckamightygadzooks) to hang out and geek out. I also take fluff prompts, so if you have any you think I can do, leave them in the comments here or drop me a message on tumblr.


End file.
